10 Things Mom DOESN’T Want for Mother’s Day

 

 

1. Change any diapers whatsoever. This includes potty training and wiping the butts of the newly potty trained. 

2. To be awake. Like at all. Let the poor woman sleep as long as she wants.

3. A crowded restaurant. You need to go pick it up or make a reservation so she isn’t waiting.

4. To rally the kids together for a family outing. This is a nightmare and not special. Wrangling all the kids, finding the shoes, brushing the tangles out, packing toys… we do not want this. If you’re taking us out then YOU are getting the tiny hellions ready. 

5. Responsibilities. Just take care of it, dude.

6. To cook. No. Do not make your mother/mother of your children prepare her own meals. Stop that. Go pick it up or dare to cook it yourself.

7. To clean. If you have made a mess after cooking that meal for her then you are also the one who is cleaning it up. If she goes in there and starts cleaning, kick her out of the kitchen. Seriously. Don’t allow it.

8. Breaking up sibling rivalry. Today is not the day. Everyone needs to be happy and clean. If the kids are fighting to the death, you better clean it up and send them to the garage to fight it out. She cannot hear it. End of story.

9. Complaining. If you don’t like it, fake it. We hear complaints all day every day. Shut it off. For 24 hours. KTHX

10. A normal day. Everyday is chaos for the poor woman. Give her a break. Make this day different from the rest. Pamper her, spoil her, don’t let her lift a finger. Today is special!