Peeing on a stick

We’ve all done it. It’s the “oh shit where did my period go?” Or “Why do I all of the sudden have the urge to murder a human over a pickle?” or “my boobs hurt…… oh no.” or on the other side of the spectrum “oh god please be a positive this time” “please let this one be real…”

The little signs that urge us to the drug store to buy an over priced piece of plastic that we will be urinating on. We either take it home and let it burn a hole under our bathroom sink or can’t wait one more second and run into the bathroom in the CVS and whip that sucker out in a stall.

Results in five minutes…. don’t read it for five minutes.

What if it’s a false negative? What if it doesn’t work?

I could be pregnant.

Your heart is racing, your mind is in sheer panic mode. If this is something you have waited for or something you’re terrified of, we all have a panic moment.

My husband is a filmmaker. He read a short story my sister wrote for a college assignment about a girl waiting for her pregnancy test results. After he read the story, he knew it needed to be told on a much larger platform. We did the research and found that this story is rarely told. Lots of stories about the moments leading up the the peeing on a stick, and more stories about the aftermath of a pee stick moment… but hardly anything on the moments during the wait. Those long five to seven minutes a woman rarely forgets. So my husband, the filmmaker, wrote a short film about these few minutes.

It’s beautiful and perfect and the most wonderful way to tell this story. He gives a voice to women without getting political or religious, it’s just a human moment.

We want to capture this perfectly and give it justice. We want as many people as possible to see this story.

So we need you, my dear readers. This could be a project you would love to donate a few bucks to or simply share on your facebook, or it could be the thing you’ve been looking for that helps get you started in the film industry! We are still looking for Associate and Executive Producers!! Either way, we need your help to reach our goal and make this film something that can be seen.

Please go to the link below, read all about the story and our plans, consider donating, and share the link on facebook. A share goes a LONG way!

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/amen-a-short-film-by-clint-howard-ii-women-drama#/

 

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5 reasons why God’s Not Dead is THE WORST.

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I watched the Christian beloved film, God’s Not Dead the other night with my husband and needless to say – I was extremely bothered.

Here are 5 reasons why this movie was a disaster of a film and was ridiculously offensive.

1.WHO ARE YOU EVEN TALKING TO??

Was this movie meant to make Christians feel good? If so – congrats. Feel-good Christians felt good everywhere. And for that, you actually obtained over $6 million in ticket sales. Which makes me want to punch something selfless…

Was this movie meant to make Atheists love God? Because No. No Atheists in their right minds would ever agree to walk into this movie for anything other than a drinking game – which will be happening in my life soon by the way. If by the off chance a Christian was able to bribe said Atheist into seeing this movie, will the Atheist be a God-fearing believer at the end? Um. No. This human (not robot) will walk out of this movie extremely offended and rightfully so.

SPOILER ALERT

The big bad villain Atheist dies at the end, guys. I wish I was making this up as a joke. He spent the entire movie being a dick to some college kid (in a weird unrealistic manner no less), refusing to believe that there was a God up there since his mother died when he was a little boy. Then suddenly, at the end of the movie, the writer completely GAVE UP and said, “Well I don’t know how to save the villain and make him a good guy….. sooooo….. KILL HIM” He gets hit by a car. In the rain. Suddenly a pastor arrives to SAVE THE DAY. I know what you’re thinking… oh, he calls 9-1-1. NOPE. NO ONE DOES. As the horribly vicious non believing scum man lays dying in the street, the pastor explains that he  was a witness to his accident because God wanted him to be saved. He only has moments to ask him if he believes in God, to which the vile horrid man accepts and is suddenly a transformed Christian… then his eyes close as the rain drops collect tiny pools over his sad, but Christian face.

I would be SO EMBARRASSED to show any of my Atheist friends this junk. They make the whole group seem like they are only out to hate us and give us 70% of our grades. Go ahead and tell me that this is a real thing that happens in real universities. Yes. That’s terrible. But you wanna know what else is going on in universities that we don’t have feel-good movies about? Sexism, Racism, Homophobia, affairs, lairs…. this is 2015. The real world. You know who isn’t suffering right now? White Christian college boys.

2.WHAT IS WITH ALL THE SIDE CHARACTERS??

Guys. There’s the college student facing his life-altering moment as a Christian against his big bad Atheist professor, another big bad Atheist  who finds out she is dying from cancer but is “too busy” for it, her boyfriend who is a selfish horrible person and doesn’t care that she has cancer or that his dying mother hasn’t been visited in a while, his sister who is solely taking care of the dying mother AND the big bad professor’s girlfriend (but don’t worry… she’s Christian. So that we can touch base on the whole… should Christians date non-Christians topic), the guys from Duck Dynasty (cuz…. duh), the ever so beloved by any youth group from the early 2000’s – the Newsboys, a Muslim girl who works in the cafeteria of the university (ONLY CONNECTION TO THE STORY) and is being faced with following her Jesus heart in a Muslim strict home and is later kicked out by her big bad Muslim father, OH and the pastor… can’t forget the pastor. He is the glue, right? He is taking another pastor friend from a different country to Disney World as it is just the coolest gosh darn thing to do, but they keep facing troubles…. awful, horrible troubles that challenge the pastor’s faith and tries his patience over and over again………. CAR TROUBLE. Yes, really.

I could go on.

But my particular favorite character is the main guy’s girlfriend. They, as all Christian youth kids, met at a Newsboys concert before the movie begins and don’t worry guys…. she’s a little Christian blonde girl – of course she has “the next 50 years of their lives planned together” Cuz why would God put anyone in her life who she wasn’t meant to marry, duh. She is riddled with so many little Christian quirks like her cross necklace, her non yoga-pant wearing conservative wardrobe, and her unrelenting failure to support her boyfriend in his endeavor of proving the big bad professor wrong.

Yea. she cute.

3.LIKE ALL CHRISTIAN MOVIES – BAD ACTING, BAD LIGHTING, BAD SCRIPTWRITING, BAD DIRECTING, BAD PLOT, BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD!!

Director – DO YOUR JOB.

And I don’t have to go any further because well…. you’ve seen movies and you’ve seen Christian movies. They cannot be in the same category. It disappoints me every single time and I’m even more upset that I was at all hopeful that talent would be present.

4.CUZ ALL CHRISTIAN MOVIES END AT A NEWSBOYS CONCERT. DUH.

I don’t even know what to say here other than….

yea. that’s how the movie ended.

With Newsboys singing feel-good music, everyone smiling – even moments after their professor was just killed by a car, and the duck dynasty guy gets on a screen and tells everyone in the concert to get out their phones and text every single person in their contact list three simple words…………………. -__-

Cuz when my phone blows up with “God’s Not Dead” text messages from acquaintances… I decide to follow Christ.

NOT.

5.THE BLATANT LIES IN THE ROLLING CREDITS

Here is where you are supposed to be outraged, Christ followers.

I don’t even have words for this. I don’t. I got these screen grabs from the best review ever made about this movie on youtube. The Nostalgia Christian did a little research about the facts that this movie so quickly posted but really hoped that no one would research. He shows the real facts in his video near the end, if you don’t want to watch the entire review >>best review ever<< (which you all should!!) then at least read from these screen grabs I took of the video.

When the credits begin to roll, you see the words,

“God’s Not Dead The Movie was inspired by the following legal cases where University Students and Campus Ministries were condemned for their faith.”

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School counselor refuses to work with gay students. That happened. That actually happened. And this movie is posting that to their credits, assuming that we won’t research their lies.

This is where we are supposed to THROW A FIT. Come on!

What is wrong with us that we drop everything and throw our money at people who hardly work at making a good movie, and go home making a butt-load (I won’t cuss for the sake of my “better-than-me” friends) of money on people like YOU. People who will pay for an entire youth group to go see this so that we can SUPPORT CHRISTIAN FILM.

Do you see where the problem is, guys?

To quote a very dear friend of mine, Chris Larson:

“The movie was full of most major American Churchianity cliche story elements making the bible thumping moralists superior to anyone that is different from them. While it had Christian references and decoration, the story makes Jesus sad.”

This is where I drop the mic I have been screaming into.