Mommas – we need each other

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Every once in a while there comes a morning where you just don’t know how you’re going to move. Your eyes are already bloodshot from the lack of sleep due to a colic baby or kicking spider ninja kids who have to sleep with you after a bad dream. You literally have to drink a pot of coffee in order to make the pot of coffee brew a pot of coffee. There is spit up on your shirt that you’ve been wearing for two days and there is no future shower in sight. You decide to commit to lazy parenting and give them the pop tart instead of cooking scrambled eggs and oatmeal. You shuffle your way to the couch and stare at the TV which is playing the 24587023rd episode of whatever annoying kid show has been on repeat for hours. Stupid Netflix keeps asking if we’re still watching. YES. DON’T STOP. HE WILL LOSE IT.

On these mornings we forget who we used to be before we had kids. I used to wake up to the sound of the first alarm without snoozing, took my daily shower, brushed and dried my hair, had painted nails, put makeup on, put on pants with a button!!!! How did I get here? What did I think would happen? I’ll tell you. 

I thought I was going to have all of this parenting thing figured out before I became a parent. You cannot prepare yourself for parenting enough. Like, just chill out. You won’t have it figured out for years. Just be okay with flying by the seat of your yoga pants. That’s all you can hope for on so many days. If homeschooling your kids is driving you insane and your kids are starting to hate learning – take them to school! If your kids won’t go to sleep on time at night and become total sleep deprived assholes when they wake up, then give them some melatonin on those crazy nights so they can actually go the fuck to sleep and you can sit on the couch with your glass of wine and watch raunchy TV in the silence. If you are sitting in your pj’s at noon and are about to lose your shit, put the kid in a crib or in front of a TV and go take a shower…. shave your legs! AH! I KNOW!

But you know what is the most helpful? Having an adult you can bitch to. More than just a play date, moms. Because I don’t know about you but play dates can be just as stressful as sitting in front of Cailou for the millionth episode. I’m talking about making a girls’ night happen. Even if it’s after the kids have gone to bed and she brings her sleepy kids to pass out on a pallet on the floor and as soon as everyone is passed out, bust out the tequila and Sex and the City binge! 

Adult time is crucial. And other women who don’t have kids are fun and all but you’ve gotta find your best mom friend. She really gets you. She hasn’t showered in days, either. Don’t only ever talk to your friend who can afford Starbucks every day and will actually go inside the Starbucks instead of the drive-thru because she isn’t toting a million children and her hair is brushed enough to appear in public. You can talk to her every once in a while and sometimes it can be a nice break to not talk about being a mom and hang out with single girlfriends. But I’m telling you – get with another hot mess mom. You need one. We all need one. We need to find a judgment-free zone where we can say to each other “You do that, too?” or “ohmygod I have no idea when the last time I bought a bottle of wine instead of a massive cheap box”.

Your husband will survive watching the kids one night a week. Make it a priority. Put a standing appointment in his calendar. Demand it. Because momma, if you don’t take care of yourself, your whole house will fall apart. Trust me. I know. I’ve seen it so many times. Look your husband in his eyes and tell him that if he needs weekly sex then you need a weekly break. Meet your hot mess mom friend at a Barnes and Noble to sit in a comfy chair for free. This does not have to cost millions. But for what it’s worth, ladies – you cannot put a price on peace and sanity. If spending some extra money on yourself for a night out once a week will save you from becoming a murderer —- then DO IT. JUST DO IT. Women have literally killed themselves, mommas. Suicide. Over silenced depression. Spend $5 at Starbucks and don’t sit in your depression. If you’re a single mom, budget for a sitter or get a relative on board for free sitting. One of my mom friends and I babysit for free for each other all the time! We barter! It works. Get out there and do it. It really is that simple. 

We need each other. Find a hot mess mom. Like now.

Bye.

7-year Reset

rings“Seven-year itch” what does that even mean?

“The sevenyear itch is a psychological term that suggests that happiness in a relationship declines after around year seven of a marriage. The phrase originated as a name for irritating and contagious skin complaints of a long duration.” – literally what I got when I googled it. 

Getting married when I did came off as crazy since we were so young. But he was my soulmate. My one and only since I was 12 years old. We had several years in between where I had a few boyfriends and lots of mistakes but this boy waited for me. Me. Like I was someone special. We have the fairy tale story. Anyone who knows us will attest to that. We are soulmates. In the truest sense of the word. Does that mean this is easy? Fuck no. Not even a little bit. Does that mean it’s more worth it. Fuck yes. All the way.

Our eighth anniversary is next month.

To say this has been the hardest year is like putting butterflies and rainbows all over a Lifetime movie. There were a few times this year where my soulmate and I looked each other in the eyes and didn’t know where to go next. Leave? Stay? Walk out the door? Fight? Snuggle the shit out of each other? I’ll let you take a wild guess what we did.

Neither of us had any affairs, neither of us “wandered” or committed any unforgivable offense. It was just hard. So fucking hard.

There have been more “I’m sorry”‘s out of my mouth this year than ever in my entire life.

What now? Do I keep apologizing? Do I keep fighting?

Y E S.

We hit this moment in the fight where I realize we are having the same fight we have had for seven years and I want to bail. My mind is telling me this is all bullshit and he will never listen to me. My heart tells me something different. I have finally begun listening to my heart. It tells me that no matter what, I will take it. If he wants to fight then lets fight! Tell me how I hurt you. Tell me what I did wrong. Tell me all the mistakes I have made in the past seven years. I will lay down and welcome it. He could be wrong. He could be so wrong that every single person in my life will tell me to leave him. But I love him. I love this man with every fiber of my being and that means that I will hurt for him. I will sacrifice for him. I will cry for him. I will die for him. After I finally figured this out, it hasn’t been streets of gold but it’s been so much easier. Easy for me to fight. Easy for me to chose him every day I wake up tired from the kids staying up late the night before. Easy for me to listen to him venting and hurting just so I can tell him I understand and he’s not alone. I love this man so much that I will hurt for him. No matter the cost. He will not take advantage of me. He will only ever protect me and love me unconditionally for the rest of his life. This man fights for me every day even when I don’t see it. That doesn’t stop him, though. He keeps fighting until his eyes are swollen and his knuckles are bleeding. Because I am his soulmate. I am his one and only. The girl he waited for. The girl he has been in love with since he was twelve years old. That’s the kind of man I married.

Seven year itch has turned into the seven year reset.

Tomorrow my husband is going to take me on another first date. Coffee. No talk of kids or bills. Just us, getting to know each other. Like it’s the first time. A reset. A new beginning. I want to get to know the man I am married to. We were married so young, the man I married eight years ago is not the man I am married to today – this is not a bad thing, just a new thing.

So, here’s to our first date. I can’t wait to meet the man I married.
***edited to say that our second first date was definitely better than real first date. I am hopeful and excited for our future as a couple. I never doubted we could get through anything. 

10 ways I was just an okay mom today.

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  1. I taught my five year old nothing today. I let the letter app on my iPad do that.
  2. I gave my two year old my phone to watch Netflix so I can type this.
  3. My kids asked me for something right before nap time and I told them I would get it with the full intention on not getting it, banking on the fact that they will forget they ever asked.
  4. One of them dropped some food on the floor… ate it… and all I did was say a lil prayer to the immune system gods.
  5. One of them keeps saying the word fish, but it sounds like they are saying “bitch” so I keep pointing as fishes and asking them what they are. Good times.
  6. My five year old knows full well what Snapchat is and constantly asks if she can get on it and send her dad some snaps.
  7. Snack time was cheetos. Straight from the bag. Not even organic.
  8. I microwaved their meal so I allowed the radiation to penetrate their food.
  9. I tried to say “shit” under my breath but it didn’t work out too well and I know they all heard it.
  10. I did not take them to to park today because it is too damn hot and I am too damn lazy.

 

Good parenting advice, right?

Feel free to pin.

I spent $60 on my toddler’s birthday party and she actually SURVIVED.

Crazy, right?

She didn’t die.

She didn’t resent me.

She didn’t turn around while we were all watching her blow out her candles and tell me that she hates me and need to find her a child psychologist stat.

I mean… this was her second birthday so I guess those things aren’t a total surprise. But you wanna know what is a surprise? That suddenly, our generation believes that it’s exactly what is going to happen!!

I blame Pinterest. Completely… totally… irrevocably all Pinterest’s FAULT.


Why do we kill ourselves for one day a year?

I’m gonna go with we do it because we want to look like we have our shit together.

Being a creative mom is like a right of passage…

You simply CANNOT be a good mom unless you know the value of mod podge and have you own check out lane with your name on it at Party City.

WHY THO?

We end up getting so caught up in this bullshit that we can’t even enjoy our child’s birthday. You know what a two year old wants for her birthday??? NOT A DAMN THING. SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW IT’S A THING.

Having a huge birthday celebration for babies is a complete selfish, stressful, waste of time. They won’t remember it. They don’t need it. Aren’t there still starving kids in the world somewhere? Why are we spending THOUSANDS of dollars on this? Yes. Acknowledge the birthday. Enjoy it. Get a cake, get the pictures that last a life time, have the cousins come and bust a piñata. Sounds like a great day. But I refuse to spend more than $100 on an event they won’t remember.

I promise you, they will survive.

 

 

After the kids go to bed

That moment of silence after the war.

My shirt is wet from giving them a bath. My knees and back are killing me for bending over the tub. The kitchen is a mess after cooking them a dinner instead of giving into the urge of take-out. I’m tired. I need to wind down via an entire bottle/box of wine.

This is the time of their life when they constantly need me. To tie shoes, to braid hair, to spread peanut butter on bread, to reach the plastic cups in the cabinet… it’s exhausting.

People are always telling me that I’ll miss this stage. I’m sure they’re right. I can totally see myself sitting on my couch realizing it’s been silent all day and miss the screams… a little. But at the same time, I can’t wait.

We shouldn’t feel guilty for looking forward to the not-so-distant future. Where our kids can make their own meals, run to the grocery store for some milk, not need any more rides or even help with homework… we get to watch them learn how to do all of these things. It will go fast, we will miss moments because we are consumed by schedules. But we will still be on the front row of it all. That’s pretty amazing.

Some day it will be silent, like after bedtime silence only longer and without wet clothes. Some day we will be able to just let them go and hope that we equipped them enough to handle the outside world. Until that day, enjoy that glass/box of wine and try to enjoy the after bedtime silence.

Happy Mother’s Day, queens

To the tired ones, the stretched ones, the broke ones, the ones who have little ones in heaven, the ones who do it completely alone, the ones who do it with the village they have been given. For the times the calendar was too full to catch a breath, the times the milk is spilled on a freshly cleaned carpet, the times you have to google the answer to the homework. The late nights, the early mornings, the bills, the baths, the boo-boo’s, the graduation ceremonies for literally every grade they pass… We are mothers. We are nurses. We are maids. We are taxi drivers. We are warriors. 

I hope that no matter where you are in your journey of motherhood that you know you are deeply loved. You are appreciated. You are needed. 

I hope you get a moment of peace and rest today, even if it’s just one moment, don’t let it pass by unnoticed. 

Happy Mother’s Day, momma. You are the champion of all champions 💪🏼

Teen Angst and Facebook

social_media_freakFacebook :: the central hub of teen angst. The Mecca of drama.

It has been brought to my attention that everyone acts like a bunch of hormonal teenagers on social media. ((I AM NOT EXCLUDED FROM THIS))

Grown adults are using Facebook to reach out to old flings that happened DECADES ago even though they’re married.

Grown adults are using Facebook to post pictures of themselves at dinner with their close friends so that their not-so-close friends will see that they weren’t invited.

Grown adults are using Facebook to prove how wonderfully picture-perfect their lives are in hopes of getting the most clicks of a button on a thumbs up.

Why do we do this? Can we all just agree to be adults for a min?

What is the point?

Trust… I am no better. I am petty. I am annoying. I am a self-admitted attention whore.

But at the end of the day… what is this all for?

Deleting Facebook doesn’t seem logical. It’s amazing to stay in touch with friends and family outside of our daily lives. It’s a perfect way to be in constant contact with those we love. We love being able to make announcements, ask for help from friends, and show the latest pictures of how big our kids our getting for those who don’t get to see them everyday. I don’t wanna delete it…

So for now… can I just confess to you real quick?

I can get pretty teen angst-y. Truth. I mean… it’s hard not to. There are a lot of things that happened to me as a teen that I still need to get over and grow from. I still harbor a lot of bitterness towards people who I felt hurt me or abandoned me. ((Hence my last post entitled Sorry I’m Not Sorry)) I could go back and delete the post entirely but it’s still so much a part of who I am and what I am currently dealing with even as a grown adult. There are parts of me that are still straight up 15 years old. I hate it, but it’s true. I am currently working on growing those things about me but for now, it sounds a lot like teen angst.

As a mom, the biggest offender is the standard. You moms know what I’m talking about. The Instagram filtered, Pinterest pinned life that no one can match up to. It’s excruciating trying to live up to those standards… because they AREN’T REAL. It’s impossible. Since when do we have to spend millions on the perfectly painted nursery and the perfectly themed first birthday party ((both of which our children will NOT REMEMBER…….)) I don’t have the time or patience to make my own baby food and yet I assumed that’s what I needed to do to ensure my child grows and lives a healthy life forever and ever amen…. because of social media. Since when did we stop making our own opinions and judgement based on the pretty filtered moms on Instagram to raise our babies? It’s impossible.

Can we all just agree to be a lil more real on social media? Cuz that’d be great…

Hell, I’ll even give it a try.