- I taught my five year old nothing today. I let the letter app on my iPad do that.
- I gave my two year old my phone to watch Netflix so I can type this.
- My kids asked me for something right before nap time and I told them I would get it with the full intention on not getting it, banking on the fact that they will forget they ever asked.
- One of them dropped some food on the floor… ate it… and all I did was say a lil prayer to the immune system gods.
- One of them keeps saying the word fish, but it sounds like they are saying “bitch” so I keep pointing as fishes and asking them what they are. Good times.
- My five year old knows full well what Snapchat is and constantly asks if she can get on it and send her dad some snaps.
- Snack time was cheetos. Straight from the bag. Not even organic.
- I microwaved their meal so I allowed the radiation to penetrate their food.
- I tried to say “shit” under my breath but it didn’t work out too well and I know they all heard it.
- I did not take them to to park today because it is too damn hot and I am too damn lazy.
Good parenting advice, right?
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