shit that happens when you’re a stay at home mom

I took my first sip of coffee at 11:53 am……. let that sink in.img_7233

My kids woke up like a bunch of starving monkeys in a cage from that ape movie where they take over the world and then we as humans become the slaves… yea that one.

I sleepily went downstairs to cook breakfast, realized there were no eggs. How can you make a breakfast without eggs? I threw toast at the children, put them in the car, drove to the store, forgot to buy eggs, came home, cried over the forgotten eggs, opened the pantry and found an unopened canister of oatmeal………… yea.

Kids are fed and are now watching that show that I officially have memorized and haunts me in my sleep, I am attempting to drink that cold cup of coffee I poured an hour ago. I sit down, with my first meal of the day, hide in the corner of the living room and play my show on my laptop… they can’t hear the sexual innuendos over the voice of that obnoxious bear singing that godforsaken song that I know every damn word to.

It then takes me 90 minutes to watch my 20 minute show.

An hour late, one of them is napping, the other one is crying because I won’t let her get on my snapchat.

The pet bunny is running wild and pooping all over the living room and taunting me with every turd that rolls around. It’s okay, this will give me motivation to deep clean the living room once we let all his energy out.

Everyday is different, there are no scheduled breaks, there are no sick days, it’s a 24/7 job and no holidays off. Even when you finally have them sleeping over at a family member’s house, you get a phone call that one of them is projectile vomiting all over their living room. Thanks sister, I’ll be getting you some starbucks soon… at least!

Every mom is different, every kid is different… but I promise you that all stay at home moms survive between cups of coffee in the morning to the glasses of wine at night.


Don’t worry, I’m only half way through my day. I’m sure as soon as nap time is over there will be a diaper explosion and someone crying over an earache or a stubbed toe…

Tell me again how you have no idea what I do throughout my day as “just a mom”.



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